Marriage

Picture in your mind's eye a wedding. There is the gentle murmur of anticipation from those gathered together to witness the momentous event. The men are dressed in suits with colourful ties. The women are wearing dresses of many beautiful colours. From above they are reminiscent of a painting by Kandinsky. At the front, raised above those gathered, is a Minister in robes of white. Several men stand off to one side dressed in stylish black tuxedos. The one on the left, if you look closely enough, is strangely solitary from all of those around him. His eyes gleam with anticipation for the moment to come.

A hush falls over those assembles as the organ bursts into melodic life announcing the entrance of a woman in white. All eyes gaze upon this woman as she makes her way slowly towards the front. The solitary man smiles a smile of pure joy. It is reflected in the face of the woman in white.

The crowd's gaze collectively follows the woman as she makes her way to the front. Their emotions are a dazzling mixture of joy, envy, love, happiness, pride and anticipation. They anticipate the moment, just as the man and woman do, when two become one. When marriage vows are proclaimed and a husband and wife are united in matrimony.

The wedding is a singular vision of unadulterated love and joy. It is seen in the way the couple holds hands as the Minister speaks his solemn words. It is seen in the eyes of those watching. It is seen in the tears that well up in the eyes of those present. It is seen in the kiss that seals the marriage bond. It is seen in the rapturous applause that greets their union.

Yet the wedding is but one instant in time. It is but a mere fraction of our lives. It is both end and beginning. The end of courtship and the beginning of marriage. It signals to the world the intention of two people to live a life as husband and wife; to live a life as one from that day forth, till death seperates them.

Now picture in your mind's eye, if you can, a marriage. The wedding day is an iconic image that is easily called forth. For some the image of marriage might be a bit tougher. Marriage calls forth a number of things. A husband and wife caressing one another, a home, children laughing, the passage of time. We picture a successful marriage where the two grow old together. A marriage filled with love and laughter. A marriage whose image at the end is reflected in its beginning; a couple in love holding hands.

Weddings are hard. There is so much to plan for, so much to take into consideration for the big event. Marriages are harder. It is not one day, but a lifetime. Planning a successful wedding takes time and effort. Planning a successful marriage takes so much more. To understand what a successful marriage looks like we have to start at the beginning.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. He then brought forth man and saw that His creation was good. He saw however, that it was not perfect because man needed a partner and so woman was created. It was decreed that a man would leave his mother and father and a man and a woman would become one flesh. We are told that they stood naked before one another and felt no shame. This was what God intended. A man and a woman to come together, to form a unified bond with one another where there were no longer two but one. There was no distinction between them. Then came the fall.

When Adam and Eve ate of the tree of life and brought sin into the world of man, God cursed His creation. He told Eve that her desire would be for her husband and her husband would rule over her. This decree that a woman submit to her husband is reiterated throughout the Bible. We see it reinforced in Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 7, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3. With the fall the headship of man was introduced into the marriage relationship and with it a great responsibility was given to both the wife and the husband.

The vision that we are given for how the marriage relationship works, how the wife is to submit and the husband to rule, is that of the relationship of Christ and His Church. The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5 that wives are to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Christ. He further writes that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.

This image of the Church's submission does not evoke an image of subjugation or slavery. It is not negative. The Church willfully submits to Christ in humility understanding that they are not submitting to a despot nor a dictator. They are submitting to a ruler that loves them. Christ's love of the Church is self-sacrificial. The supreme act of Christ is His death on the cross; an act of selfless love for His bride. This is an enduring relationship of the Church lovingly working to fulfill the desires of Christ, whose desire is the sanctification and salvation of his Church. As one serves they are served. As Christ says, He "did not come to be served, but to serve." Accordingly as a wife submits to her husband in love and humility she will work with her husband to achieve his aim of loving and serving his wife. The two have become one just as God desired in the Garden of Eden.

The key to God's plan for marriage is love. We are told in Colossians 3 that "love is the perfect bond of unity." We are taught that "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." We are taught that of all things, the greatest is love and that without love we have nothing.

Love as God loves is perfect. We are called to perfection but are not perfect. We therefore cannot love perfectly either. Because of this, because we cannot love perfectly we are told to clothe ourselves "with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Love is an attitude not simply a feeling. We are called to be forgiving, to be gentle, to be compassionate, to be humble, to be patient. We must be diligent in putting away pride, selfishness, and anger. We must work at not being impatient, unkind and hardhearted. We are in fact called to love our partner as ourselves. For if we love our partner we love ourselves.

Love is also action. Sex can be considered a tough subject to tackle, but the Apostle Paul tells us that when we marry, when we become one flesh, our bodies are no longer our own. He says that the wife's body is her husband's and that the husband's body is his wife's. He says that husband and wife are not to deny the other their body except through mutual consent and then only for a time. In unity Adam and Eve stood naked in the Garden and felt no shame, so too should a husband and wife be united, in love.

We are called to love our partners emotionally, spiritually and physically.

From this we can see that the union of man and woman was God's creation. God calls those that are married to a self sacrificing love that seeks to serve the other and in doing so both are served. God has called husbands to a role of Christ-like leadership and the wife to a role of Church like humility. God calls husbands and wives to love their partners in mind, body and soul through which true unity is achieved.

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Passages referenced:

Genesis 2:18-25

¹⁸ The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

¹⁹ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam^a]"> no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib^c]"> he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

²³ The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,
for she was taken out of man."

²⁴ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

²⁵ The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3:16

¹⁶ To the woman he said,
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you."

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives and Husbands

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."^b]"> ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Marriage

¹Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^a]"> ²But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

⁸Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. ⁹But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Colossians 3:12-19

¹²Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

¹⁵Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. ¹⁷And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Rules for Christian Households

¹⁸Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

¹⁹Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Love

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.